A message from Anonymous
darkslover[.]tumblr[.]com/post/97828759765/haruka-learned-how-to-deal-with-separation-and-change

hi there, anon. i’m not sure if you wanted to share this link just for the sake of sharing (which is always good! the more views on a subject, the better!) or if you wanted me to comment on it somehow; i’m honestly not sure how polite it is of me to do the latter since i take it you’re not the op (who didn’t ask for my opinion), but given that i don’t have anything in specific to contest with that post, i might as well. because when it comes to my initial unease with that episode, it’s not founded on thematics. my issue lies with, as is often the case with this show, execution.

all the things rin told haruka in this episode had to be said, and i am so proud of him for the way he said them. if anyone, haruka is the kind of person who needs time and space to deal with things, which is why i loved the idea of australia giving him a chance to disengage from the pressures (self-inflicted or not) at home. what i did not enjoy as much was how most of these scenes, technically, seemed to drag on unnecessarily even after the actual, thematic point was made – this is an issue i’ve noticed in other episodes during S2, where the topic of a scene continues just a few seconds or even minutes too long to lose its momentum. i like to use the receptionist scene as the best (worst) example of this in episode 12, as so much of it could have been said in so much less time for the exact same impact. more importantly, as vehemently as i stan for rin, i feel like you could have easily shortened or even cut out parts of his play-by-play virtual tour of the past, and still gotten the same thematic message across. this matters, because every second is always away from animating something else – in this case, our perception of haruka’s current state of mind.

again, i want to stress: it was incredibly important for rin to share these things with haruka, for all the reasons stated in the post above. i wouldn’t dream of disputing that. but for a show that has always struggled with pacing, this episode was crucial for convincing both the anti-pro!harukas and the pro-pro!harukas of his choice (sofar as that has yet become set in stone, anyway), yet there was less focus on the gradual development as i’d have liked. sure enough, haruka’s narrative has always relied on “show, not tell” and it’s one of the reasons i love this show so much, yet curiously enough i feel as though instead of showing me, this episode told me that haruka had found his dream (quite literally). all the elements of how he got to that exact scene were very much there; darkslover​ made a wonderful job in illustrating them, and admittedly now that i’ve gotten over most of my initial detachment, i can appreciate them better, too. still, i can’t help but feel like the episode was a bit too enamored with what it tried to do, rather than actually think of how to best do it; I say this, because there were also scenes that perfectly combined showing and telling to illustrate the small changes in haruka, ones that allowed me to believe his willingness to move on. the fountain scene where he not only non-verbally displayed his unease but also expressed being upset was a great example of haruka subtly yet directly engaging with his honest emotions – i don’t see this as abandoning the art of “show, don’t tell,” but instead cutting down all the needless conjecture that has left so many viewers confused as to what it is that he genuinely wants at all.

honestly, i think it just comes down to what pennyofthewild said: there was so much of everything packed in one episode, since the show has scrambled to tell so many stories in so little time. this is why combining a more ambiguous approach with a more direct “i’ve found it!!” resolve at the end just did not mix for me. if i am to be haruka’s proxy in that episode (as a viewer who is meant to accept and understand his choice while he gradually progresses to discover that choice), i wanted to feel what led him to that moment of conviction. right now, i understand what did, but that is by far not the same thing as feeling emotionally satisfied with the outcome. which is why i am banking my everything on –as subsequently terrified to death with– episode 13 to make that final connection for me, the one that does not satisfy only my rational side, but also the part that wants to revel in haruka’s (and possibly rin’s?) future without even the slightest shadow of a doubt.

meexart:

Can you believe I got to draw 80s Kiefer Sutherland for a class assignment

meexart:

Can you believe I got to draw 80s Kiefer Sutherland for a class assignment

aradied:

Poster and bookmarks available in my storenvy!

bookmarks($2.50 ea)// poster ($11)

episode 12 revisited ONE MORE TIME

as i said, as a rh shipper i feel i’m entitled to a day of incoherent irrational screaming before i actually try to make sense of what went down last night. i just didn’t expect most of my screaming to be so uneasy in tone, all things considered. this is the last post i’ll make on ep 12 for now I swear, but having talked to people and having had time to sleep on it actually reflect on things, i figured i should do a condensed recap of my main points.

  1. for this episode, i expected to experience that same journey towards haru discovering his dream, to progress along with it as he and rin spent time together, and at first i was very hopeful: the palpable rawness in his panic at being left behind when rin went to get them drinks, his perpetual confusion and lingering hurt from the fight with makoto, all of this was 100% in sync with everything that’s transpired so far.
  2. however, the episode soon began to rely too heavily on the novelty of australia; i loved the fresh vibe it gave everything, like it allowed haruka the chance to literally disconnect with the pressures holding him down, but at some point it almost felt like the show was too enamored with its use of foreigners and english – it made haruka continuously disengage from the things happening around him, having to rely on rin to translate, and so much of what happened actually happened to rin instead of haru. which leads me to…
  3. i literally can’t believe i’m saying this, but for an episode that was probably meant to highlight haru’s self-discovery, there… was almost too much of rin? i understand that the purpose of his past was to showcase how much more there was to life, and i am so, so incredibly happy he got to share all those important things with haruka. but i also wish that instead of spending screentime on rin talking to a receptionist, or rin recapping so much of his past with his foster parents, they could have used some of that time to focus on haruka – not because i didn’t love these scenes too, but because there just wasn’t enough time to deal with all of it as it was now.
  4. there were hints of haruka’s reactions, yes. there was even haruka speaking some of these reactions aloud. but when you compare all that to rin laying himself out there those in all his raw vulnerability, i wish i could have literally witnessed the gradual progress of how haruka reacted to all of this, how it made him feel, and how it ultimately led him to that moment at the swimming pool where he chose to make the decision of swimming next to the athletes. i do not agree that this episode “destroyed his character” or “ruined everything”, far from it, but i also don’t feel this choice was quite executed to its fullest yet. it certainly doesn’t feel like an asspull (the whole season has been leading up to it one way or another), but it does feel a little rushed. we’ve still got one episode to convince me once and for all that this is precisely what haruka’s whole life has been leading up to, and while i am willing to suspend my disbelief on so many of the technical issues, what i can’t suspend my disbelief on is how it ultimately resonates in my heart.
  5. when it comes down to it, all i want is to see haruka smile, and to understand the very depth and extent of that smile. to feel what he feels. to believe what he believes. to acknowledge all the things he has been running away from this season, and why; to tell makoto how much he means to him, to tell rin how much he means to him, and to admit to himself how much he’s willing to work for his own dreams, because nanase haruka matters to nanase haruka too. i’m so happy for the way rin has shown so much growth and confidence this season – i already believe everything rin has been striving towards, so if he and haruka are to make any kind of leap at this future together, they have to be equals. in every single way.

pennyofthewild:

I don’t think Haru wanting to go pro is an asspull. 

There’s a part of Haru that has always loved competitive swimming - if he didn’t enjoy it, he wouldn’t have swum competitively for so long.

He did make the decision on his own, which is a Very Important Thing; and I’m glad he did.

I think part of the reason for the disconnect, though - there is a disconnect - if because, despite Haru being the protagonist, we hardly ever get to see what he thinks outright. His character arc is the embodiment of ‘show, not tell’, and the problem with ES, for me at least, is that there are So Many Other Things going on (I, at least) the viewer gets caught up in the side plots:

and I don’t know why, but in some ways„ this episode felt like a, to quote Rin, ‘giant detour’ for me? I enjoyed so many things about it: Rin’s homestay parents, the ENGLISH, but I felt there was Too Much packed into such a short amount of time.

Also: I can’t help wishing that there was more ‘tell’,when it comes to Haruka. I want to hear his thoughts about Rin’s ‘admiration’; I want to know what and how he feels in more detail:

my favorite parts of the episode were when he tells Rin it was ‘his first fight’ and ‘don’t just run off’ (abandonment issues touched on yes): parts where he VOCALIZES what he is thinking and feeling because that, in itself, is something Haruka needs to do more of.

also I’m mad Rin wants to accept the offer swim in Japan Rin please BUT YES I CALLED IT THE LETTER was from his coach and it was an offer I called it I wish I’d called Rin’s answer too

also Rin how are you such an angel

and here’s penny basically summing up so many of my actual legitimate issues with this episode beyond the unease of “why do i not feel what everyone else is feeling???” because while I loved so much of it, I’m still not sure if it delivered all the things it tried to. one of the reasons I have only rewatched parts of ep 12 is because there’s so much of other stuff that could have been used to drop more proof of Haru’s reaction to all the things going on – I don’t want ~hints, I want legit facts. I don’t want Rin talking to a receptionist for five hours, I want to see Haruka’s individual reaction to these things the way they showed him reacting to Rin’s sudden disappearance (that was such a good moment and a perfect example of what I’m talking about). I want the show to make me experience what Haru’s experiencing while he’s going through this project of finding his hope. Which he did, but there’s still too much conjecture and guesswork and “he probably thought of x and x” for me to be satisfied with his resolution as things are now. Which, in a sense, is why this is pre-finale and not finale, but I’m airing my unease in the hopes that I might somehow get it off my systems and simply be happy with the episode instead (for all the good and heartfelt parts it also had, and rin. RIN.)

I keep saying this a million times over, but.

I want to feel what Haruka’s feeling. It’s more important to me than I can put into words. I want to see that smile on his face and understand the very depth that it’s coming from, to feel as elated as he does. I already feel everything Rin is feeling this season, which is why I need episode 13 to come full circle on this, and dispel my final doubts for good.

A message from moromi
Gatoraid's swimming hell OST for you is perfect! Very very perfect especially with that Bon Jovi song! XDD

she knows me too well

why is my entire life such a big joke

image

the only person allowed to emotionally hurt me is me

I told you I’ve always admired you, right? You might not remember it, but I still remember the day I first met you. To be honest, it had never occurred to me that I could lose to someone. But any frustration I felt vanished when I thought, “There’s someone more amazing than me”, “I want to swim like him”. That’s why it’s hard for me when you’re not always there ahead of me, showing me the path I should take. Without you, I have nothing to aim for, you know?

darkslover replied to your post:ep 12 speculation continues!

There’s algo going to be a 14th ep. in the final BD. Kill la Kill did the same and tied all loose ends there.

Haha yeah I knew there would be a 14th ep, but I’m personally hoping it’s more… gagreel stuff, because it feels kind of blah in my opinion to tie the loose ends “externally”. But at the end of the day I’ll probably take anything if it helps fit all the pieces together as intended.

strawberries-in-december replied to your post:ep 12 speculation continues!

hmmm i think that i’m coming mostly from the pov of one of the utsumi interviews, where she says that it’s not that haru doesn’t have a dream, it’s that he doesn’t recognize his dream as being one, so it might be easier for me to reconcile all of it 

and also this series is so vague about what ‘competitive swimming’ even means so i’m not too fussed about the details i guess ahaha (this is probably why i don’t write fic)

Ultimately I’m super lenient on going along with whatever Haru wants as long as it feels like he sincerely wants it, I don’t care if it’s professional swimming or making dolphins out of play dough or whatever. But this topic is complicated for the very reason that the show IS so vague about what competitive swimming even supposedly means in its universe, like you said; on one hand we have sousuke busting his shoulder and ruining his future, on the other we have haru who chronologically up till a year or so ago wasn’t even in proper shape to do competitive swimming. and yeah haru’s a prodigy and all but really this show makes my head hurt sometimes, so at this point I’ll just take whatever ending I can get that resonates with me emotionally instead of making me go “…well I see what they’re trying to do here but I’m not feeling it” which is my worst fear. maybe by talking about those fears I can kiss them goodbye?

ep 12 speculation continues!

strawberries-in-december replied to your post:(1/2?) I’m just gonna reply to your replies here, since tumblr replies have such a small character limit…

tbh i feel like it has been foreshadowed ever since ep 1 that haru might like competitive swimming? what with the ‘this water has been neutered. for me, it’s no longer enough.’ and then everything building on top of that.

haah, see, the question for me isn’t really so much that it might be coming out of left field because it’s most definitely not. the show has been building towards it all along, but there’s a difference between knowing something is going to happen and feeling like the execution does it justice. what i find most fascinating about this whole debate isn’t whether haruka “wants this” or not, but whether it makes sense within the context of the show for him to pursue it. it ties a lot into how he deals with pressure, authority, responsibility and most of all hard work, because these are all questions the season has barely illustrated him to be any more capable of than he was before. he has shown glimpses at getting better at all of the aforementioned traits, but it’s just like Rin said in this episode: “even if I was fairly fast in Japan, it didn’t mean much here.”

Do we know what Haruka would, realistically speaking, do in a similar situation? If he, too, hit a wall? Because to stop mid-race stops being an alternative once you actually have a career. Rin wants to go at his past with a vengeance, but Haruka’s main motivation for competitive swimming is still kind of hanging between the lines and open for interpretation, and that… isn’t necessarily something that in real life I would bank an entire future, at least a successful one, on. But, as I mentioned, all of that is more or less irrelevant too, because competitive swimming in the world of free could mean anything from waltzing into sunsets to scoring olympic gold at 18, so who am I to judge. I’m just saying that I do understand where people’s frustration is coming from, and hope that episode 13 finally renders these concerns moot once and for all.

pennyofthewild replied to your post:(1/2?) I’m just gonna reply to your replies here, since tumblr replies have such a small character limit… 

i think it would’ve been better if they tried to end off the season with a first step in a series of steps that would maybe lead Haru to a future as a pro swimmer instead of this abrupt about-face

this is why I’m so anxious and curious about episode 13, because …. in so many ways, Haruka both has and has not made that choice at all. We know he’s made a choice, but the actual depth of it still remains to be seen. For all I know it could just be a choice to leave Iwatobi, which in itself would be a big thing. Maybe it’s just a question of wanting to have those experiences Rin was talking about, too. Maybe we won’t see the full resolution, as opposed to baby steps. In a week we’ll know, but I just want him to dash at whatever it is like he’s coming alive again, the way he did in the last episode of last season and the first episode of this season.

A message from g-script
(1/2?) I'm just gonna reply to your replies here, since tumblr replies have such a small character limit... ANYWAY, yes. I really need Haru to sell me his dream also, because if he's going to follow Rin to his dream or even to Australia, he needs the same conviction that he does. BUT he did just find that dream, even if I think it's been there all along, lost underneath the confusion and fear and anxiety. So I think there's still time, but I'm always overly optimistic with this show...
A reply from icecreambat

oop if you meant to send a second one it mysteriously disappeared but imma respond to this anyway because i want it on the top of my blog.

having calmed down from my four stages of attempts to process emotion (1. laughter 2. anger 3. elation 4. anger again cos that’s my default state with anything i care about), what i want to say about this episode beneath any ship-related wah de dah (because ultimately that’s not what any of this is supposed to be about, although i’ll make no pretense about how important some of these relationships are to me regardless) is this:

i think, one of the biggest issues kyoani has with the show is that right now nobody really knows what the hell haruka’s “going pro” is supposed to entail. a life towards olympic swimming? a scholarship at a university? showing up on japanese tv shows and making ooh aah sounds while eating various foods? like, it literally feels like every single person watching this show has their own interpretation of it. this is why half the fandom is currently pressed like a tsukemono and the other half is parading around, because we’re all talking different things. granted, whatever result episode 13 brings is still bound to divide the fandom, but at least then we’d all be on the same page.

because i still agree that haru going pro, assuming this meant a life towards olympic swimming, is not necessary realistic. i’m not saying it’s unrealistic either, just that we’re talking about something more than just a narrative path or the story trying to come full circle. however, i also agree that if we are simply talking about a life centered around swimming that might be more competitive in tone, then there is probably nothing standing in the way of him learning to embrace that for himself, too – which is why all the “no no no this is the worst possible outcome” reactions seem really over-exaggerated, as much as i understand where they’re coming from.

when this season began, i actually had a dream one night; in that dream i was talking to haru, and i told him, “look kid, i know you love him, but you can’t replace your obsession with water with obsession with rin”. any romantic undertones of my psyche notwithstanding, what this meant was that since the beginning i have feared haruka running with rin’s dream and substituting it for his own. this is the last thing i want to see happen. but it is also not my place to say where rin’s dream ends and haruka’s begins, which is why i am banking everything on episode 13 to make me feel that haruka is really doing this for himself; i honestly feel it can still come out rewarding and legit because like you said, at this point in time the real haruka is still buried beneath confusion and fear. he has just grasped at that chance, and now it’s his stage to make me feel what he feels.

i tend to approach things with pessimism cos that’s just how i’m built, but i’m nothing if not always willing to be proven wrong. and right now, more than anything, i want to be proven wrong on all these fears that somehow kyoani won’t have enough time to pull off the gamble they’ve taken – but i also felt like that a year ago, and now look at me. so yeah. prayer circle for nanase haruka’s future, and for it to feel rewarding and deserved, because there is still time.

g-script:

whoops, it looks like my second reply got lost!  I resent it, but if it doesn’t come in, it was this: 

(2/2) But yeah, he was definitely still kind of lost until the very end, just kind of taking in what Rin was saying and reacting with confusion or hurt or even just…listening. I really hope he DOES apologize to Makoto which he comes back (I feel like he will since he does feel terrible about it) and also that he FINALLY expresses his (love) admiration for Rin in return. Because he wouldn’t be here without him, he was so lost without him!  We’ve gotten little things BUT I WANT THAT EP12 PASSION

ANYWAY, I figure I’ll just reply to this here to say YES and that I agree with you so much on all of these points.  This is my fear also, because so much of this season has been us wondering and asking - along with the entire cast - “what the hell does Haru want?”  Because the only thing he’s willing to give until recently (barely) is “free.”  What does that even mean?!  But that definitely comes hand-in-hand with Haru not even knowing what he wants for himself.

I think the reason I’m optimistic about Haru chasing a life of professional swimming (whatever that means, whether it’s joining the Australian team with Rin and aiming for the Olympics, going to a university, joining the national team somehow, we’ll see!) because, as much as we’ve all been wondering where he’s going to go, I think this in the back or front of his mind all season.  But because of the anxiety and confusion coming from the pressure everyone’s been putting on him coupled with his inability to figure it out for himself in his own time because he doesn’t have time, he wasn’t really ever able to parse what he wanted for himself.  So, I think being in Australia opened up his eyes and cleared the confusion enough for him to catch a glimpse of that desire, that dream that he didn’t think really existed.

I’m also SO worried that he’ll just be following Rin because it’s the easiest thing.  Maybe the best ending would be for Rin to go to Australia again and Haru to go to Tokyo or another university, allowing them to grow on their own before they reunite on the Japanese Olympic team.  This definitely reassures us, in some way, MAYBE, that Haru’s conviction in his dreams are real, that he’s doing this for himself, etc.  The HaruRin shipper in me wants them to go to Australia together or be on the same team together because of obvious reasons!  But also because I think they also achieve so much when they’re together, their competitive nature toward each other in that kind of setting would mean they would achieve so much.  AHHH I DUNNO, I don’t know what I want.  I feel like I’m just rambling at this point…

BUT YEAH, I feel like I’m just clinging to an optimistic hope that episode 13 is going to deliver on everything that episode 12 didn’t: what Haru’s dream really is, Haru’s relationship with himself, his dream, and his friends, Haru’s potential, and also the big fat apology he owes everyone that he pushed away while he was scared and hurting himself.

In the end, I think he could be so happy continuing to swim in a professional setting, now that he’s starting to glimpse an understanding that swimming competitively for a living (nationally, internationally, etc) isn’t going to take away his freedom or lose himself.  BUT we’ll see.

Prayer circle for Nanase Haruka’s future.  I’m terrified for next week…  It’ll either make or break me, I’m sure!

lmao sorry for everyone’s dashes but YEAH

I mean, narratively-speaking, I do think Haru’s progression makes sense; anyone who thinks he was making any kind of real decisions while feeling pressured and anxious must not have ever been a teenager, because rejecting expectations is something that inevitably happens when you force someone as self-sufficient as haruka to suddenly “owe” his future to other people. The problem is that this easily runs both ways – that it’s very hard to say where compliance with that pressure turns into concession, or, as some fans have been crying, “ooc’ness”.

In a sense, I feel like I can’t win. There are things I wish I could selfishly see happen (rin and haru embarking on that future together), and things I wish I saw happen for the sake of feeling like haruka isn’t compromising himself too much. But the issues is also, again, that he’s a teenager and so whatever he chooses now is tied to that moment in time regardless; like I mentioned elsewhere, he both is and is not at all equipped to making these choices in the first place. Which is why, when it comes down to it, we just gotta go with what happens and trust in him to know what is best for him, external pressures or not.

In that sense, I loved it that Rin was so patient and gentle with him. He shared his feelings, yes, but he didn’t force them on Haru, the way Sousuke kind of did in episode 11 (I love you kid but saying “Rin needs you!!” def deserved a side-eye from me). The pacing of this season has unfortunately left everything crammed into the last couple of episodes*, which inevitably throws off the impact of some of that conviction, regardless of if it’s one Haruka sincerely comes to of his own accord. I don’t think it’s that wildly out of character for him at all, because at the end of the day the most important thing is that he gets to choose, that he feels something, and that it’s enough for him to grasp at with hope.

Like I said before, I don’t know if the writers see the idea of Olympics as a fanciful symbol rather than something that really exists. I don’t know if they really consider how much work it takes, or how well (or not well, in this case) it would suit someone with a work ethic like Haruka’s. But I suppose that’s not something we’re not exactly at liberty to decide anymore, because one way or another Haruka wants more for himself in life than he did before, and that thought genuinely fills me with hope, too.

"It’s not enough."

I keep coming back to that sentence, and I want to feel like it finally is.

(ep 13 will destroy us regardless and afterwards we should really find a way to get on skype or something lmao and just scream endlessly tbh i’ll probably get drunk off my ass just to stop my brain and heart from hurting)

edit: * by this i mean actually dealing with the topic rather than gently foreshadowing without providing any concrete evidence one way or another

gatoraid:

SWIMMING HELL
So this is a playlist about Airin’s relationship with Free!, enhoi etc.
Bon Jovi - You Give Love a Bad Name | Marina and the Diamonds - The State of Dreaming | Foxes - Holding Onto Heaven | Bat For Lashes - What’s a Girl to Do? | Patrick Wolf - Hard Times | Antti Tuisku - Rukous | Samuel E. Wright - Under the Sea | Antti Tuisku - Hyökyaalto | REAL WAVE
You Give Love a Bad Name
You’re a loaded gunThere’s nowhere to runNo-one can save me, the damage is done
Holding Onto Heaven
I hate what you’ve done, what you’ve made me becomeNo sleep, face the night
State of Dreaming
I live my life inside a dream,only waking when I sleepIf I could sell my sorry soul, I would have it all
What’s a Girl to Do
And when your dreams are onA train to train-wreck townThen I ask you nowWhat’s a girl to do?
Hard Times
And through these hard timesWe´ll work harder harderGive me hard timesI´ll work harder harder
Only Teardrops
The sky is red tonightWe’re on the edge tonightNo shooting star to guide us
How many times can we win and lose?How many times can we break the rules?Between usOnly teardrops
Rukous
Jos on onneton,on ainakin toivoa paremmasta
+ Bonus songs that don’t need any explanations Under the Sea, Hyökyaalto ja REAL WAVE
Listen on Spotify: SWIMMING HELL

AAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
NO SERIOUSLY
THIS IS A PLAYLIST ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FREE!
AND IT IS SO ACCURATE I COULD DIE
antti tuisku a+++++++

gatoraid:

SWIMMING HELL

So this is a playlist about Airin’s relationship with Free!, enhoi etc.

Bon Jovi - You Give Love a Bad Name | Marina and the Diamonds - The State of Dreaming | Foxes - Holding Onto Heaven | Bat For Lashes - What’s a Girl to Do? | Patrick Wolf - Hard Times | Antti Tuisku - Rukous | Samuel E. Wright - Under the Sea | Antti Tuisku - Hyökyaalto | REAL WAVE

You Give Love a Bad Name

You’re a loaded gun
There’s nowhere to run
No-one can save me, the damage is done

Holding Onto Heaven

I hate what you’ve done, what you’ve made me become
No sleep, face the night

State of Dreaming

I live my life inside a dream,
only waking when I sleep
If I could sell my sorry soul, I would have it all

What’s a Girl to Do

And when your dreams are on
A train to train-wreck town
Then I ask you now
What’s a girl to do?

Hard Times

And through these hard times
We´ll work harder harder
Give me hard times
I´ll work harder harder

Only Teardrops

The sky is red tonight
We’re on the edge tonight
No shooting star to guide us

How many times can we win and lose?
How many times can we break the rules?
Between us
Only teardrops

Rukous

Jos on onneton,
on ainakin toivoa paremmasta

+ Bonus songs that don’t need any explanations Under the Sea, Hyökyaalto ja REAL WAVE

Listen on Spotify: SWIMMING HELL

AAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

NO SERIOUSLY

THIS IS A PLAYLIST ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FREE!

AND IT IS SO ACCURATE I COULD DIE

antti tuisku a+++++++

A message from g-script
(1/2?) I'm just gonna reply to your replies here, since tumblr replies have such a small character limit... ANYWAY, yes. I really need Haru to sell me his dream also, because if he's going to follow Rin to his dream or even to Australia, he needs the same conviction that he does. BUT he did just find that dream, even if I think it's been there all along, lost underneath the confusion and fear and anxiety. So I think there's still time, but I'm always overly optimistic with this show...

oop if you meant to send a second one it mysteriously disappeared but imma respond to this anyway because i want it on the top of my blog.

having calmed down from my four stages of attempts to process emotion (1. laughter 2. anger 3. elation 4. anger again cos that’s my default state with anything i care about), what i want to say about this episode beneath any ship-related wah de dah (because ultimately that’s not what any of this is supposed to be about, although i’ll make no pretense about how important some of these relationships are to me regardless) is this:

i think, one of the biggest issues kyoani has with the show is that right now nobody really knows what the hell haruka’s “going pro” is supposed to entail. a life towards olympic swimming? a scholarship at a university? showing up on japanese tv shows and making ooh aah sounds while eating various foods? like, it literally feels like every single person watching this show has their own interpretation of it. this is why half the fandom is currently pressed like a tsukemono and the other half is parading around, because we’re all talking different things. granted, whatever result episode 13 brings is still bound to divide the fandom, but at least then we’d all be on the same page.

because i still agree that haru going pro, assuming this meant a life towards olympic swimming, is not necessary realistic. i’m not saying it’s unrealistic either, just that we’re talking about something more than just a narrative path or the story trying to come full circle. however, i also agree that if we are simply talking about a life centered around swimming that might be more competitive in tone, then there is probably nothing standing in the way of him learning to embrace that for himself, too – which is why all the “no no no this is the worst possible outcome” reactions seem really over-exaggerated, as much as i understand where they’re coming from.

when this season began, i actually had a dream one night; in that dream i was talking to haru, and i told him, “look kid, i know you love him, but you can’t replace your obsession with water with obsession with rin”. any romantic undertones of my psyche notwithstanding, what this meant was that since the beginning i have feared haruka running with rin’s dream and substituting it for his own. this is the last thing i want to see happen. but it is also not my place to say where rin’s dream ends and haruka’s begins, which is why i am banking everything on episode 13 to make me feel that haruka is really doing this for himself; i honestly feel it can still come out rewarding and legit because like you said, at this point in time the real haruka is still buried beneath confusion and fear. he has just grasped at that chance, and now it’s his stage to make me feel what he feels.

i tend to approach things with pessimism cos that’s just how i’m built, but i’m nothing if not always willing to be proven wrong. and right now, more than anything, i want to be proven wrong on all these fears that somehow kyoani won’t have enough time to pull off the gamble they’ve taken – but i also felt like that a year ago, and now look at me. so yeah. prayer circle for nanase haruka’s future, and for it to feel rewarding and deserved, because there is still time.